Ok, I am totally cranky and I’m basically going to rant about all the crap the bugs me today. I know I just posted yesterday, but I want to get this up before I get in a good mood again.
Here’s my cranky list.
1. My husband’s dog craps a lot. Sometimes in the house and then falls into it. My dog barks non-stop, unless she is scraping my shin raw with her tiny razor-like claws begging for food.
2. The guy who sells pens outside the grocery store. I know I will burn in Hell for not being eternally patient with you, but I am not Marilyn Monroe and I don’t’ want a pen and no, I don’t want to go to Hollywood with you and I will not give you a farkin’ hug. Every day with this. Sheesh.
3. Does anyone out there blog about ANYTHING but freakin’ Jesus and The Lord?
Enough. He gets it. He likes you. You are totally in to him. Blah blah freakin’ blah. I suppose everyone has a hobby. There is a blog out there called “My Kids’ Allergies”. Super entertaining.
4. People smoke on the street and think that this is perfectly acceptable behaviour.
I swear to God the next person who blows smoke in my face is going to get a world of fart back at them. I mean, how rude are these people. Yes. You. Even you.
5. Everything has God-damned calories. Bloody hell.
6. Breakfast is over too soon. I want a longer breakfast.
7. I have no freakin’ idea where Brad gets the ideas for his songs. Why are you asking me? Ask him. I anticipate the answer with be “from my brain”.
8. My stupid floors do not wash themselves. Disgusting, thoughtless floors.
9. I do not want to go to your painfully boring Blues Jam. It’s in Vancouver, which is 4400 km away from where I am. I do not like The Blues. Even when I am drunk. Stop inviting me or I will fill your Facebook page with pictures of adorable kittens in baskets and teacups. And not the ones with the funny slogans, either.
10. My fat day pant are tight.
11. I can not seem to wear anything without getting a coffee stain on it. Or an apple juice stain. Who knew apples could stain? WTF.
12. SUV limos. I don’t care if it IS your grad or your wedding or your staggette. You look like a douche.
I had a nap and feel better.